India Travels- Ashram recap

Feb. 3rd, 2010

Journal Entry:
"We checked into a nice hotel in Madurai today, thank you Travis for the foresight of knowing we would need intermittent nice places throughout our trip to make things a little easier for a few days. We need this place to rest, re-connect and eat. The ashram was hard for me and I was legitimately "running" across the bridge the night of our train ride, to get away from that cult-y place. Looking back, the views were amazing, and it probably wouldn't have been that bad, but it gave me the creeps, and I wasn't allowed to show any affection or sleep in the same bed as Travis, (two small twin beds adorned the room, and it was specifically requested that no funny business go on so people could focus on their meditation. Something I totally get, though, I needed a good cuddle in that place is all I'm saying.) the lunch/dinner plates were barely washed that we ate from (they were washed by people with ash and then re-used immediately however well washed or not by the next person, the nurse's daughter in me cringing) the women walking around were all Travis' "type"(hippies with long flowy hair and garments- to which I felt equal jealousy, and weird "Big Love"(Polygamist-mormom show on TV) creepiness from) and all these people were worshipping a person, which is totally against everything I have believed my whole life. I felt like telling this guru to be more humble, don't have people pushing themselves in line, acting crazy, for a person! You are not God!... Ok, I'll stop.

Because of all these feeling of mine, and Travis' totally valid feelings in the contrary, we fought. Well, not because of the ashram, but because I had 2 hours of sleep both nights, was feeling really vulnerable from being at the ashram, generally feeling wiped from being in India, and then there was a triggering incident, with a rooftop display, and some sssshhhh'ing, which I hate, and I blew up. I walked away, and didn't speak to him all day. It was good for me to get space, it didn't feel like the last time where I wanted to leave, just that I needed space from this person I had been spending 24 hours w/ for weeks. I called my parents for the 1st time since I'd been in India, had a nice but short convo with them, told them all about India so far, and then proceeded to cry about it being hard here and me being home sick. I wish I could be more tough sometimes, but India is hard and I am trying my best. My parents were reassuring and sweet. After the phone call I had a full day: I ate and then saw and got my new Italian (funny, great) friend's facebook, helped move a thousand or so pamphlets, emailed, sat outside by the river, slept, read. And then I woke up from sleeping and saw Travis had gone to eat without me (as he should have). I got really sad that I was acting this way and that he wasn't there. I went and found him in the waves of people and sat by him to eat. We had a nonchalant talk on the beach, he went to volunteer, I went to volunteer, and by dinner it was quiet but a little better. But with another sleepless night, I broke down, telling him we weren't right for each other, etc. He just let me talk, said maybe we weren't and let me cry alone. Once we got to Madurai to a clean, safe hotel, all my anxiety melted away. We ate, napped, showered (warm water!), talked, napped, ate, woke up in the AM and were completely in love. We had talked it through and I need to work on being less jealous, for sure, but I told him it was more, I needed to be looked after in that "creepy" place and I felt abandoned... We held each other that day, ate and rested, and everything felt possible again."


Email from home:
" Hi Briana, I was thinking after you called that you should not underestimate the magnitude of what you are doing. You are traveling to a place that under the very best of conditions is quite difficult to endure...By everyone's account, it is one of the toughest places on earth to visit. You are staying for a very long time to be away from home and the things that you are used to and that give you comfort, even if you don't realize it at the time. It's hard enough to be away for a week or two, let alone a month. I always feel that way when I am in Ecuador, but even western Europe because it is just different from what we are used to, out of our "comfort zone". You are spending 24/7 with someone - absolutely every minute of every day - again something you are not used to.... So even though Travis is your love, it still leaves you with no recharge time at all. So no wonder you are having a tough time! (In reference to a wonderful Italian woman I met who said her "English was catastrophic", to which I responded, "If your English was catastrophic you would not know that word!" haha) And if you run into more Italians, use the English word "sub-optimal" for things that are catastrophically not right. That is Attilio's favorite word in that situation." -I love you, Dad



The bridge to 'safety', haha

India Travels- Ashram

Jan. 28, 2010

Journal Entry:
"I got here after a 4 hour, intense, horn-honking, chaotic, aggressive car ride, and drove up to these huge (color taken out for identifying purposes) 15+ story buildings and colorful temple. We went to register and everywhere we looked there were people dressed all in white. Cult alarm bells started going off in my head. I freaked. (I took a cults class in high school, and another in college, so every warning sign I learned about was instantly present). Then the paper said something about us separating, sleeping in dorm style rooms with 3 other people. 'Oh HELL NO!' 'You don't want to lie, ok, I will lie. I will tell them we are married so we do not split up. I don't care, I am not being separated from you in this place.' So I went up and we didn't even have to say if we were married, he saw we were a couple and had registered together so he gave us a room together. Phew. Made it through hurtle #1.

The view from our floor is beautiful. Spectacular. We are on the 14th floor. The buildings are on a small piece of land that is bordered by a river on one side and the ocean on the other and then palm trees and mist as far as the eye can see. Beautiful. I hope Travis takes pictures because it's amazing. No photography is allowed, but...

Otherwise, the chanting is uninspiring, the people's behavior today to see (the Guru) was atrocious. Cutting, pushing, lying, finagling. At an Ashram you would expect more peaceful people. Instead, it just seems like a big commune of people, self serving at best, vying for (the Guru's) attention. I don't get the whole Guru thing, must be a cultural thing, but worshiping a person, even if she is 'holy'?? Mother Theresa didn't want, request, vie for worshipers. She got down on her hands and knees and washed toilets and fed the poor. Yes, the work (the Guru) does for the poor is amazing, though, so was Mother Theresa's. Maybe the same end with different ways of going about it?

Email repsonses from home:
"Dear Briana, Glad you are aware of the colt possibility- don't drink any cool aid-- I'm glad you have Travis with you and glad it is clean!!!" -Love, Mom

"HI Briana, Interesting! I can't wait to hear more when you have spent time elsewhere and have some time to reflect on the experience." - Love, Dad

"Sounds like you are having some amazing experiences:) Breathe it in and out everyday, so you can remember it for a lifetime." - Kelly

A few hidden camera pics from the Ashram

Blowing laundry, so beautiful

Two pics of the sunset from our floor, same time, both beautiful..

A man chanting, it was wonderful to watch.

Ashram gear, sandals, check!

India Travels- Kochi, part 3

Jan. 24, 2010


Such beautiful Saris in India.

Journal Entry:
"Today was a beautiful day. I went to church at the Basilica, the 2nd Oldest church in India, right here in Kochi. (The oldest being some 6 blocks away, but now it is a ?Anglican? church instead of Catholic, I think?) All the women were wearing the most beautiful Saris. Every color imaginable, red, blue, teal, purple, gold, yellow, green, etc. They all had their heads covered with different color shawls that matched the color and farbic in their Sari. I wanted to if not wear a Sari, at least cover my head in these beautiful silks/cottons/chiffon shawls. I have always wanted to cover my head during mass and now I know why. You should have seen it, it was one of the most beautiful things I have seen in my life. It's indescribable, and of course, since it was mass, I couldn't and wouldn't take pictures. Oh well. That one will have to last in my memory!

We have switched hostels. Wow, it's funny how you think the next place will always be better, perpetual hope and optimism I guess. Well, not so much. (This ended up being the WORST place we stayed at our whole trip, I will not call them out, but email me if you are going to India so I can tell you what hostel NOT to stay in ;) It was barren, hardest bed I've ever felt, might as well have slept on the floor, except for the bugs that would've eaten me alive even more. As it was, ants got to Travis' chocolate bar in a matter of an hour's nap. I got more mosquito bites in 2 days from this place than the rest of the trip. Needless to say, I feel tired here, and restless. We started getting fussy about being in the room, so we decided to go explore this side of Kochi. We were duly rewarded for getting out of there with: an ELEPHANT! He was just walking down the street with a couple of guys?! We followed him to a random back alley where he proceeded to eat palm fronds using his truck to rip them apart, coolest thing to watch. He was just chillin' in front of some closed shops, or warehouses. The few other people that saw this random show stayed and watched like us for at least 20 min. We weren't sure what was going on, if he was safe, ok? Eventually he seemed great, so we wandered on and found a cool tea house. Later, after meeting a woman from LA :/, we learned that he was in a parade, filled with flowers, drummers, painted dancers, etc. A little lesson learned, when feeling low and in the dumps, go outside, change your scenery!

Email responses from home:
"Wonderful to hear things are going better." -Love, Dad
"...I am so glad you are doing so much better..." -Love, Kelly

Catholic symbols (cont.) throughout India:

"Kochi boasts the first Catholic Church in India, St. Francis Church. Allegedly built in 1546 by the Portuguese, about a hundred years later it became Protestant with the Dutch invasion, and still about a hundred years later, the arrival of the British made it Anglican. In 1949, the congregation joined the Church of South India." reference

Almost all schools in this town were private, another example of the wealth in Fort Kochi and church influence in India.

A rosary in India

All you need is Jesus and a goldfish! haha This was my view every morning from our favorite breakfast restaurant next store to the bookstore.

"Santa Cruz Cathedral/Basilica was rebuilt in the early 20th century and also received the visit of the pope"reference

So beautiful.


Time to leave the worst hostel in India and go exploring:

Travis feels how he looks :)

I want this on my front door! Cool!

Love the trees growing through walls!

Rewarded for leaving the hostel, with... an ELEPHANT!

De-ta-de walkin' my elephant. No big deal..

Got my bling on, eatin' my palm fronds, life is great.

And then!...

I am adorned in Gold!

..but am also chained :(

Drummers.

Twirling flower holders.

No one in India is this tall, this MUST be fake :)

Sounds the trumpets! The king is here.. or just a local guy trying to be mayor we think.

These guys were kinda creepy.

I may dance with you, or I may eat you, depends on how I feel today...

India Travels- Kochi, part 4

Jan. 26, 2010


hello from Fort Kochi!
(I loved this mini door!)

Journal Entry:
"This is our last day in Fort Kochi. We are being picked up tomorrow for the Ashram. I am unsure what to expect. I think it will be a great experience if (the Guru, will be left unnamed, don't want any bad Karma for my viewpoints being blasted;) is there. I am sure it will be super busy if so. I will go with the flow, or try to like I have been trying to do since we got here!

Yesterday we went on a river boat trip and had an Ayurvedic massage . The massage was definitely an 'experience'. I had to undress in front of the 2 women that were to give me the massage. If you've never gotten a massage this may seem 'normal', I mean, you DO have to take your close off to get a massage. However, the normal practice for shy and prudish Americans is for the practitioner to step out of the room to let you jump out of your clothes and into the blankets. Ok, so undressing. Down to my skivies. Nope, not enough. I am signaled (because they do not speak English) to take ALL my clothes off... Ok?! Breathe. There is no hidden camera. This is not a weird kidnapping place. You are here to get a massage. Just breathe, trust and remember this is an experience... Then I lay on the floor on top of a towel. I repeat, on the floor. While I have sunbathed topless in the French Riviera I would never imagine going nude because at least in Los Angeles, and I am sure other parts of the world, there are bugs at the beach. Bugs that can crawl in your neither regions. Yuck. TMI (too much information), I know. But I am trying to create a visual of me laying on the floor in India... Ok. Got it. Then, oil, straight oil, is poured all over my body and I am massaged by two women who continuously pour quarts of oil over me. 'It's an experience, it's and experience', I kept repeating. I mean, it was F'in' incredible, dont' get me wrong. And I did have some trippy visualizations during this experience, one being opening my own center, and hearing a call to heal..I think that is what is supposed to happen during Ayurvedic massage, no? Then, the shower. Here is a bar of soap to wash off the gallons of oil. I will stand here and watch to make sure you do it right?! OK... Water turns on, 1,000 mosquitoes fly up and around me at once. If you know me, this is hilarious, I swat anything and nothing that flies in my face, frantically. I was teased immensely in Africa for this. I digress, back to the shower. Cold water, of course. I rush to wash, and then am dried by the lady. All in all, it was an experience. I ended up tipping the lady a 100 rupees so I MUST have liked it! haha

After the massage we took a gondola ride through the backwaters of Kerala. Once we got out of the main area with the houses, it was relaxing. We talked to some couple on a floating house boat, learned about prawns in the water ways, and cuddled. On our way to our romantic lunch at a place along the water we came across a lot of filthy water, and at least 2 dead, bloated rats floating in the water! (shiver) I was hungry, and the food looked good at the table set for two, but I definitely had to suppress my gag reflex after just floating by those things! Travis is so good about being straight forward with people, they brought us two whole fish, eyes included, and he told them we were vegetarians. I would have just felt bad and left them there. And then felt bad for wasting food in India... Yikes! It's just better to say something! I don't know why I get shy with those things. We had a romantic day and evening. Today was a good day!

Email response from home:
"EHHHH YUCK!!!! You are right!!! No thank you... Have a fantastic time at the Ashtam. I know it will be amazing. Remember, live each day as they come :) I will try to get on Facebook soon so I can keep up with Travis' pictures and everyone else's lives..." - Love you tons, Kelly


Last Days in Fort Kochi

Tea house we sketched, wrote, and read at..



Backwaters of Fort Kochi, Kerala

Two cheesers

House with great views of the water

Just floating

He later pulled out a gun and shot the birds down that were eating the prawns out of the water!

Fishing nets

Happy to be eating. Was a romantic meal!

India Travels- Kochi, part2

Jan. 23, 2010


Elephant-es
Journal Entry:
"Yesterday we went to wash elephants! The washing of the elephants was a beautiful experience; we used the insides of coconut shells to throw water and scrub their bristly backs. I told them I loved them and that they were beautiful.
However, what we thought was an elephant sanctuary may have been a sad money making scheme. They may have actually taken these elephants away from their families in the wild and were training them for festivals, all the while having tourists come down and pay to wash them. We don't know yet what the real story is but as we drove home from that I was sad for the moms that had their babies taken and for the babies that were forced to be there and mad at these people for doing all of this. The only solace I can come away with is that for the time we were with them they were being thoroughly washed by their keepers, and loved by us. But they were also being yelled at, chained around their feet and whipped with bamboo. Then some U.K. fucks lit up cigarettes and smoked right in front of the baby elephants. Like what the F! man?! Wake up. Do you realize what you are doing? I should have said something. But I didn't and that's my fault."

Email response from home:
"...Glad you are doing good and having all these adventures..." -Hugs, Mom

Our Elephant Adventure:

Walking down to the river behind this momma elephant.

Happy we get to be so close to this huge lady!

Haha, I promise I looked at this picture later and was as shocked as you are to see what I captured!

Poop. This is why they need a good washin'.

Commands are being shouted at in the local language that the Elephants understand.

Timber...

Travis is brave and goes out into the water first. Watch as his guide in the red shirt gets away ASAP after delivering him...

Splashing the sweetie Elephant.

Washing (with love) the sweetie Elephant.

Being taught a better technique to wash the sweetie Elephant.

Briana confused as how to wash the sweetie Elephant.

"Maybe if I watch how this guy is doing it, I'll get it right."
(after which I did the best I could and just talked to the Elephant about how great she was, how much we loved her, and other good (hippie) vibes!)

The babies come out to the river.

Thirsty!

So smart.

As far as we could tell they were really taken care of here, washed thoroughly at least.

Even in their nether regions...

So cute how she props her leg up!